I'm sure, like most of the world, it seems that there's a lot of heart ache and not a lot of hope that humanity can overcome the sorrows it keeps inflicting on itself.
I have been thinking a lot today (and we have been discussing as a family) about the shock of France, the on going sorrow of Beruit and Kenya, and all of the other grief that's out there. And what keeps coming up is that even though it seems like a lot, there's so much more that's not horrible and chronic and shocking. But we don't hear that, we don't have that in our faces all day, every day. So, while you're thinking about the horrors and the atrocities and the sorrow, stand for an equal amount of time in gratitude and honouring. Really feel those things - be grateful for something very tangible, like your comfortable house, your safe family, clean water. So, every time you feel a bit of sorrow or overwhelmed or whatever else it is that sells news, take a minute to counteract that with gratitude. Your brain will thank you. Next time I am about to impulse purchase something, I hope to remember this. Seriously, it's way too easy to get into debt these days and unlike the days of yore, it seems pretty socially acceptable. I have a small business so I have to have a credit card for that. But my goal is to get out of my credit card debt (yes, I do have some personal credit card debt) and really just have it for emergencies. So, we live in a world where busy-ness is a normal way of life and exhaustion, its partner. I've seen a lot of "recover from exhaustion" posts but not many of them apply to parents (especially single parents) or even people with other day to day obligations. So, here are a few tips to help you feel less exhausted and more grounded without telling you to quit your job, take a day of silent, private, contemplation, or other thing many of us really can't do.
1) Take your shoes off. Ideally, you'll read this in warm and not too wet weather and you'll take your shoes off outside and walk barefoot in some grass, or a garden, or somewhere that you can really feel the earth. Are you parenting/caregiving? If so, take the people you care for to walk in the grass with you. If you can't get outside, grab a small towel and a straight backed chair. Put the towel on the floor by your feet and using only your toes, scrunch the towel up, moving it along until you've worked the towel all of the way along to the end. I learned about this from my cousin, the Cranky Daoist (also a professor of Traditional Chinese Medicine) and it works like a charm. He uses it to deal with jet lag. I'm finding it works well with life lag. My instructions make no sense at all? Well thank Dogs for the internet. Here's a video on You Tube that shows a demonstration. Can't do that? Try this next one. 2) Make yourself a cup of tea, hot chocolate, coffee, warm milk, hot water and lemon, anything you find comforting (ordinarily). When the beverage is the right temperature - not cool but not hot enough to scald you - take a sip and don't swallow. Instead, close your eyes. Take a moment to savour the flavour and identify it. Is it rich? Sweet? Bitter? Astringent? Soothing? Alert-inducing? What does it make you think of/remind you of? Swallow it and take another drink. Go deeper into it. What do you taste? What good memories come up? Bad memories? No room for them, just the good and savouring ones. One more sip and just totally savour it. 3) Shower. I know this is a difficult one for a parent, especially a single parent. If you don't have a daycare option, see if you can trade with a friend to watch your kid(s) and then you'll watch theirs. You only need about 15 minutes, though you'll likely want more. I just did this one so I'm intimately acquainted with it. It's shocking and rejuvenating and I think you might know where I'm headed. Yep, cold shower. Sometimes I like to have cold and then warm, sometimes, like today, I need the shocking, liberating, freeing effect of all cold. Sometimes I do cold, warm, then cold, it all depends on the day and my mood and all of those variables. Whatever your mood and where ever you want to place the cold, let it shock the bad, blah, dark, angry, whatever is holding you back, right out of you. Let it shock it out and carry it off. It can be returned to the earth and recycled. If you need soothing, you can follow it up with a hot shower but sometimes it's best to just hop out of the shower right after and leave all of the gik (yeah, you read that right) behind. 4) Another recycling option- find a place in nature. Ideally it will be a quiet, private place where you can be alone (I'm giggling a bit remembering how easy that would have been with a four year old). It's ok with you can't be alone - you can teach this one to your kids. Lean against a tree or, if you have no trees around, be close to plants or growing things. You must be in contact with something natural for this to work and while trees work best, it doesn't have to be a tree. Make contact with the earth - with your feet, sitting, or even laying on the earth. Imagine there is a conduit running from your spinal column into the earth and everything bad, yucky, or negative is going through you and into the earth for recycling. Be there for as long as it takes to feel cleansed, or until someone needs a snack/potty/ other demand and you have to get up. Teach your kids to do this too. Let the earth take all of the stress and troubles and cares. You still have to deal with your day to day life but the earth can take some of the stress from them. 5) Plant something you can eat. You might not have money, time, or space for a garden or even a packet of seeds. Most food banks, permaculture centres/programmes, etc. can help get you started, often at no charge. All you need is a pot and something like calendula seeds or nasturtium seeds. Not only are these edible (so safe for small people) they'll absolutely brighten up your life and are pretty fool proof. Seeds+dirt+ water = sprouts. A bit of sunlight= growth and blooming. They're low maintenance. You'll be amazed at how they brighten things up. 6) Forage something yummy. There are few things more fun (for me, but maybe because I'm weird?) than getting some food for free. This is also an adventure you can take your kids on but make sure, before you eat anything or feed it to anyone else, that you really have what you think you have. Some things, like Hawthorn berries or Rowan berries don't taste like much but make good liqueurs. Other things, like lambs lettuce, can be steamed or sautéed to eat - find a reputable foraging site and get hunting! Here are a few I love (in no particular order): http://www.urbanoutdoorskills.com/ http://www.christophernyerges.com/ http://www.urbanhuntress.com/ http://outdoorselfreliance.com/ http://www.selfsufficientish.com/main/ http://www.eatweeds.co.uk/ http://nordicfoodlab.org/ So, that's a decent smattering from the northern hemisphere. I know there are others and please do send them to me if you'd like them included. That concludes your six tips to help get you back online when things are feeling off. They shouldn't cost you anything, can mostly be done if you're caregiving, and don't require too much effort. Happy doing. I have so appreciated the notes sent through the contact us page but there are two themes emerging that I would like to address. Conveniently, they relate to each other. The first is: I think you're advocating for simpler, sustainble living but it's such hard work. The answer is: yes, it is. I am so tired of blogs and webpages that promote this lifestyle as a "grow the flour to have your cake and eat it too" kind of lifestyle. It's just not that. What's happening because so many resources are making it look simple is people jump in with both feet and not looking, buy goats, and chickens, and land with the plan to live off it. That's great, if it works. More and more and more people I know are doing this rapid fire downshift in an upsizing way and it's actually hurting them. I think it's got some big implications for the planet as well, and I know it's got implications for the animals they're purchasing. So yes, this lifestyle is hard work. You have to be up to feed goats whether or not you feel like, chickens also need to be fed, coops need to be cleaned, gardens weeded. It really doesn't stop. For some of us, it's like a vocation. It's not that we walk around the farm with our halo firmly intact, we bitch and moan and grumble but if you've drunk the Kool Aid (as it were) chores aren't 'Chores'. I think the work aspect is the thing that people comment on the most - that and the cuteness of the goats. It's like somehow they think I don't know this is hard work. The hardness of it is also the thing I have started commenting on the most too. It's not that I want to discourage people because I think if we all adopted a bit of this lifestyle, we could manage a lot of change; it's just that I think the repercussions of people leaping in are too high. I used to tell people about the jobs - like kidding/lambing season where you wake up and there are babies running around playing. I didn’t really get into the three sleepless weeks when I still had to parent and go to work and be able to make good decisions. I also didn’t tell them about the heart ache of losing babies, especially when you think maybe it was something that could have been prevented if you’d just… I didn’t tell them about the times when your whole family is down with the pukey flu and you still have to drag your butt out of bed to feed and secure animals. Or the ‘OMG, how I am paying for this vet bill. Thank Dog I still have an ‘off the farm’ job’ moments. Or the nights when a cougar steals one of your goats because you forgot you no longer have a Pyr to keep them safe so you don’t lock them up… and you’re supposed to be travelling an hour and a half away to a family birthday supper. Your Reluctant Goatherd spends the day building building building and when you all get home, at midnight, he’s building, building, building some more. Or when you’re running late to get to work and fling open the door to the coop only to find that the reason your dog kept you up with barking (that you wished would stop but instead of letting him out to do his work, you kept telling him to shut up and went back to sleep because you were so tired) was because a bob cat managed to sneak into a hole in the coop and have a duck party. Now you have about a dozen dead and dying ducks, as well as a few chickens to deal with. And you were already running late. So, your teen aged son deals with the euthanasia while you finish sobbing/getting ready for work. And then your husband is home that night when it manages to be both wet and -20*C and is redoing the soffits (or facia, I never know) of the coop so there will be no more bobcat predation. On when you’ve just rung in New Years with friends and family and you spend the next evening trying to keep a dying goat alive. And then you spend the next day packaging up the body to send to the Provincial et because no one can figure out why he (or his brother) died but sister is fine. It’s not that I want to talk you off this path, if I did, I wouldn’t bother with this blog. It’s just that while the Lamb Olympics and Gambolling Goats and Cute Chicks are such a a wonderful reality, so are these things. And these are the things that seem to catch people by surprise. That and the hauling of hay (and water, unless you’re super fancy which I am not) and so on and so on.
I think those of us who write about and advocate for this style of living are partly to blame. We’ve sheltered far too many of you from the flip side of it all because we were SO EXCITED and SO COMMITTED but it’s not the right way to go about it. When I read articles like this one I am seriously surprised. You were shocked that doing things you've previously outsourced would take time and effort? Really? There is a reason that the whole agrofood complex has been able to suck most of us in. Because growing and preserving your own food is damn hard work. But the pay offs are huge too and every time I think I’m going to throw in the towel (and my husband starts doing the happy dance -he tries not too but…) I just can’t. That leads me to the second theme emerging from the “contact us” notes. How do you do it? Where do I start? What do I do? I do not recommend that you read a few books or blogs and go from an urban environment never having raised your own food in any real way to opt out and come to a rural area to "live off the land". Can it be done? I think it could but not by just anyone. I have had more phone calls and emails over the years from people who did just that and couldn't I take their goats/chickens/ducks/rabbits/cows/whatever because it turns out you need money to live (especially if you've made no changes to your lifestyle) and animals really get in the way of taking holidays and and and. I don’t recommend starting off with chickens or goats or livestock guardian dogs or any of those other things that can seem like a super cute and awesome idea (and it is) until you’re stuck with the reality. I do recommend that you give some thought to what is drawing you to the lifestyle and work back from there but start off small. Maybe start off making your own jam one year and maybe plant a very small garden with stuff you would like (like a salad pot with greens and cherry tomatoes). Make your own laundry soap (yep, instructions to follow), just start cooking a meal entirely from scratch one or two nights per week. There are so many ways to get started and I hope you do it in a way that works for you. It’s no good to try to be sustainable in a way that’s not sustainable for you. So, as someone who has a bunch of people in my newsfeed trying to sell me things, I did read the Scary Mommy column with some amusement. I also read through a shocking number of comments and realized that I couldn’t relate to any of them, not really. Maybe you’re like me? On the one hand, I have to say that I am not a fan of the newsfeed full of ads when I’m really on FB to catch up with friends and families. I’m not comfortable having to reject my friends’ well intentioned sales pitches, or unsub to groups they’ve put me in. I’m not comfortable with using ‘friendship as leverage’ as so many people are taught to do to get a sale. I’m not comfortable with those things because they’re symptomatic of a bigger problem in our society. The comment thread was enlightening. There were a lot of reasons for agreeing with the post and nearly as many who disagreed. The tone of those posts was simply “we need to support each other, not tear each other down” and that’s what gave me pause. Something in that sentiment struck a cord with me. When I started comparing the two themes I saw, I realized that what people who are against these marketing techniques are really railing against the infiltration of consumerism in their relationships. In my opinion, they were asking for the same thing as the people who were saying “don’t fight, this is how the sisterhood gets divided”. They were asking that the relationship come first and not be exploited or profit. A sidebar disclaimer moment - in addition to everything in the ‘about me’, I also have a little shop. I don’t promote my sales etc on my friend’s facebook page. I don’t push friends to buy things (though I provide excellent customer service by text if they need it). I don’t use my friendships for personal profit - nor should I. That’s what cheapens our relationships and I think it’s the sentiment that’s behind this post. The other part of this that is off putting is that these women may feel they’re earnestly trying to just get ahead but ahead of what? Based on my newsfeed and a quick bit of searching, we’re not talking about truly impoverished families where this is a way to put food on the table. It seems to me that most of the people doing this type of direct marketing are pretty firmly in the middle class at least - it’s part of how they can afford to capitalize the expenses required to get in to the game. So, you are trying to sell me cheap/unproven stuff I don’t really need so that you and your family can go to Disneyland? Really? I don’t begrudge you a family vacation but when you are capitalizing on our friendship and my guilt driven “yes, I’ll buy this/come to the party/etc” to make that happen, you don’t think it’s a bit weird? Especially when I give you a polite and firm “no thanks” but you continue and I end up buying the cheapest thing I can. It’s not a great thing for a friendship. Last time I checked, no was a complete sentence, after all. If the issue is feminism and about women’s access to the labour market, as this article asserts, I could use some help in understanding how relegating working women/mothers to the world of pantry parties and selling fingernail geegaws does anything to further the perception of women as equals in the workforce? I suspect that if anything, it sets the cause of women as equals right back to the fifties when women, you guessed it, could proudly be “at home moms” and make a little cash on the side selling geegaws and make up. And let’s not talk about the people who are exploiting her labour to profit off her. Unlike working in retail, these women are fronting the cost of the products and then hopefully, she can sell them or she’s out the cash. There’s little risk to those reaping maximum profit. All of those issues, in my opinion, pale in comparison with the two biggest concerns I see not being addressed. The first is - where do you think those cheap, trinkets and mixes and such come from? How empowered do you think the women and children making those in in humane conditions are feeling? If your claim is that supporting these women is a feminist choice, I would urge you to reflect on your definition of feminism and how far that extends. And is it really? You don’t think your feminist energies might be better spent on, I don’t know, supporting change in the systems that are making it difficult for mums to get (back) into the work force? The fact is, few of us have to look too hard to find products in our house that are there cheaply and very much at the expense of others. Those of us who are feminists would do well to try to minimize that exploitation, not encourage it. To say nothing of the woman selling the product who is also being exploited. The second is - are we sure the only way a person can have worth is by joining the consumer culture? What if that at home parent (wouldn’t it be exciting if there were more at home dads???) turned their attention to different things, non consumer things? Like what? Well, here’s a thought, instead of needing more money to buy a package of salad at the grocery store, what if that at home parent kept a garden? What if that at home parent and their kids mended their clothes and other worn out items? What if they were hanging clothes out on the clothes line? What if they were making supper from scratch (and I don’t mean I opened some boxes from scratch)? Take your kids out for a walk and discover something wild. In reading more blog posts and comments than I should have in this debate, I kept going back to “why are we focussed on how these at home mums can have more money”? It really is how we all get trapped. I get trapped into buying it because I feel bad that you’ve paid out of pocket, especially when I know you can’t afford it. You feel bad because you spent your grocery money or the money for your new shoes or whatever on these weird things to shrink wrap your nails or wipe counters or whatever and are needing to sell. And we just stay stuck on this hamster wheel of spend and accumulate. What if we supported these women to step off that hamster wheel and not confuse their self worth with their earnings, the name brands they dress in, or whatever else it is that’s driving this. What if we convinced at home parents to focus on at home things - like the kids, the laundry, the cooking? Maybe that’s where feminism needs to go? There is a great book called “Radical Homemakers” out there. I’ll be reviewing it soon but why wait? Get out there and get a copy (no endorsement btw). Shannon Hayes does a great job of deconstructing how we’ve been duped into women thinking the road to empowerment comes through our purchasing power. I just have finished rereading it and can’t recommend it highly enough. That being said, please don't mistake me for one of those "sanctity of the home” types. I do have a career outside of the home. I enjoy having my brain engaged and I enjoy being of service to people. I enjoy my shop because it’s supporting people to make things for themselves rather than buying everything ready made (I sell craft supplies). And I aim for natural products, fair trade, and low eco-impact with (as far as I have been able to determine) minimal exploitation of labour. Do I make much money off it? Absolutely not and that’s ok, it pays for itself and that’s all it need to do. For me, it’s an extension of service (as is this blog). I’m not in any of it for profit. On that note - and before I go off on another rant better saved for a new post and before I have to pick up my kid for homeschooling afternoon- the sun is shining, I have laundry to hang out, yarn to dye, a book to write, supper to plan, a greenhouse to water, and eggs to gather. I hope your day is a great one. Perhaps you already know about this restaurant in Jämtland, Sweden? I was first introduced to Magnus Nilsson courtesy of BBC4's 'the Food Programme'. I can't explain why, of all of the things I have learned from the Food Programme, this is what I've become obsessed with. Is it that Fäviken doesn't look so different from home? Maybe it's my Viking roots? That's a good reason. Or maybe it's just because I would love to serve a plate that looks like this? I know part of it is that I would love to have the knowledge of my environment that Magnus and his team have. I love that they only use what can be obtained in a 200km radius (except some seasoning and sugar, I believe). I know that extreme cuisine is A Thing right now but from all of my Fäviken reading and listening and watching, I feel that this endeavour to create world class food in a place that is so far outside of what most would consider agricultural feels like something much richer than an attempt to pander to the masses. Not only is Fäviken known for that world class food, there is a conserted effort to preserve the old ways and share that knowledge. It wasn't that long ago that people had to feed themselves year 'round without the benefit of shops or electricity. Because the team at Fäviken have taken on this challenge, they're preserving (yes, haha) a whole body of knowledge that might otherwise be lost. It is such important work historically, and anthropologically. How many of us are having to re-learn, re-figure out, re-invent what came easily to our Grandparents because it was just part of life for them? Not so for us. The other interesting thing for me about Fäviken is that there is no effort to trade in on the successes they have had. It hasn't gone from a 12 or 14 seat place to a 60 seat place. There isn't Fäviken South where the challenge would be so much less. They just continue on, doing what they believe in. The other thing that indicates this is more than just a trend to cash in on is the fact that Nilsson and family live out there and recently (or recently-ish) Nilsson and family raised and butchered his own flock of sheep. The team at Fäviken are working hard to keep the old ways alive. Rather than just ordering carrots or greens from further away, they not only prepare the food to be eaten that day, they're constantly trying to uncover and try to relearn the old ways of preserving. They use wilted carrots because that's what you have in sand or dirt in your root cellar at this time of year. They're eating old dairy cows aged for months to make them tender. They're pickling and drying and altering the menu to suit the seasons. These concepts are just so important on so many levels - from understanding our food, to preserving the old ways of doing things, and resepcting all of the life on our plate. Perhaps having Fäviken gaining such fame and respect in the culinary world will help to propell this way of thinking about what we eat and how we make it out of the margins and into the mainstream? |
AuthorI'm a 40-something writer and smallholder living in the wilds of BC with my family, our small herd of Nigerian Dwarf Goats, chickens, ducks, dogs, and cats. Archives
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